May 6, 2008 at 1:19 pm · Filed under Psychologists Center
Every year, the Treasury Department of America restores around 800,000 checks that have been lost, stolen or damaged in transit. Now, for instance, the federal government gives social security, veteran’s benefits and other federal payments electronically, otherwise called direct deposit, although one could still be given federal payments by check. Additionally, many companies offer direct deposit of late.
The benefits of direct deposit are many. For one, checks cannot be lost or stolen. For another, payments get to an individual’s account the day of issue, no matter if the person is unavailable or unable to reach the relevant financial institution. Moreover, checking can be done at a very low cost, in some cases at no cost, because banks don’t have the additional expense of processing paper checks. Direct deposit protects checks from bouncing because they are deposited directly and on time. It also saves customers trips to the bank, and the hassle of waiting in line at the bank or ATM. The Federal government (as well as many companies) tends to deposit checks the previous day if payday falls on a holiday.
However, it is all not a bed of roses with direct deposit. For example, if one is attempting to protect one’s earnings from being embellished, or from someone else to whom the account is accessible, then cash or a paper check is definitely better.
In order to establish direct deposit, the employee has to go through the company of employment, who will have the relevant paperwork necessary to set it up. They will want the person’s social security number and an empty check containing the bank’s routing number and the particular account number of the individual. It takes a minimum of two weeks on average for direct deposit to become functional.
Setting up direct deposit for federal paychecks can usually be done over the phone or at the local federal building. However, federal government employees will not get a voucher every month stating how much was deposited in their account. They will have to confirm the direct deposit with the bank. This voucher, which looks just like a real check and contains all the same information, is usually sent to employees of private companies.
Paychecks provides detailed information on Paychecks, Paycheck Calculators, Copies of Paychecks, Direct Depositing Paychecks and more. Paychecks is affiliated with Payday Loans.
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April 27, 2008 at 1:57 pm · Filed under Psychologists Center
Lot of people dies every day. This is the biggest reality on earth. But still it is most unspoken word. Nobody even wants to think about it. When we hear about it, a strange fear starts coming in to our mind. Why this fear, none can answer this question. We are from childhood developed to treat it as a bad thing.
It is supposed to take our dare ones away from us. Have we ever given a thought to it? Or ever we tried to go into its reality. The answer is no, because this is the most fearful question to us. Mostly the people who tried to solve this question are not looked as good person. Secondly nobody so far is able to provide accurate answer. Most of the answers are questions in themselves.
Even our religions are not clear about it. Every religion has its on theories and explanations. Most of them say that after death, we go into other world. They try to describe this world in their ways. They divide it into two categories for good and bad people. If we do good deeds, we go into good world. But if we do bad deeds then we go into bad world. In all these cases the religious God is given the supreme power. He is supposed to decide about us.
That’s way many people pray to these Gods. Their main aim is to save themselves from difficulties and finally from death. But nobody has seen any God so far. Lots of claims were made, but no authentication. Even these are the most controversial issues today. Person is looked down, if he doesn’t respect the religion. We were advised to fear the God and follow the religion. Religious hearted are also result of these different philosophies of death and God. Every religion says their philosophy and God is real.
Every religion says in nutshell to fear and more fear. Many claims were made for life after death by many. Are they real or exploiting our fears. The fear was put into our mind by our parents, our society and our religion. This is clear from horror movies were the dead mans are villains. Thus death is associated deeply with bad things and finally with fear.
Even modern science has proved that fear is bad. It wastes our energy and time. We can look into this fear constructively, by making our views about death more clear. Fear is also a good motivator, as it allow us to achieve many things in life which we otherwise not able to achieve. Death is natural phenomenon. It will come to everybody. None can escape from it. Nature has made us to give birth, multiply and die. Our body is structured in this way. I am not saying you to not follow your religion, asking to follow things wisely. We should try to make the fear of Death, a motivator for us to achieve more heights in life.
http://www.geocities.com/arvindkatoch1
arvindkatoch.rediffblogs.com
April 9, 2008 at 9:21 pm · Filed under Psychologists Center
Psychology is by no means only the study of adult minds and emotions. In an increasingly complex and stress-oriented world, children are just as affected by the abnormalities of daily life as adults are. The sad story of modern society speaks of child abuse, incest, family discord, drug and alcohol abuse, and other major problems.
Had child psychology been a better understood subject three or four decades ago, the present rate of juvenile crime and delinquency might not have reached such alarming proportions. It is the feelings about and reactions to the inputs during childhood that formulate a youth’s policies and beliefs for future life.
In addition, there are many problems, unrelated to environmental and social circumstances that affect children in particular. Child psychology addresses clinical problems that beset children and early adolescents. These include mental retardation, autism, learning impairments such as dyslexia, behavior disorders and complications born of deafness, blindness, and the like. Many children’s speech impairments can also be resolved by a trained child psychologist.
It is now well known that psychological problems that crop up in childhood can translate into serious consequences like criminality later on. At the very least, unresolved psychological complications can result in an unhappy and traumatized adulthood. These are some of the potholes along the highway of modern life that child psychologists help to fill.
Interestingly, child psychology finds decisive application in the problems faced by especially gifted children, too. Children with learning difficulties face problems with the educational and family systems. In the same manner, so-called prodigies find themselves alienated from mainstream life by virtue of their exceptional talents and capabilities. In every imbalance of early and late childhood, a child psychologist can avert serious problems.
Psychology provides detailed information on Psychology, Online Psychology Degrees, Forensic Psychology, Child Psychology and more. Psychology is affiliated with Mountain Retreats.
April 3, 2008 at 2:23 pm · Filed under Psychologists Center
With the current interest in mental health topics, a mental
health language has emerged with words such as
manipulation, boundaries, limits, rescuing, dependence, and
codependence. Many people are unclear what these words mean
when applied to relationships. I would like to bring some
clarity to one of these terms - MANIPULATION - and how it
relates to the other terms mentioned above.
Webster’s New World Dictionary defines manipulation as:
“managing or controlling artfully or by shrewd use of
influence, often in an unfair or fraudulent way; to alter
or falsify for one’s own purpose.”
In relationships, manipulation can be defined as:
any attempt to control, through coercion (overt or covert),
another person’s thoughts, feelings or behaviors.
From this definition, manipulation would seem to have no
advantages. However, if you are codependent and defined by
others, there can be many advantages. When you allow others
to control your thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and make
decisions for you,
– you do not have to think for yourself;
– you can avoid taking risks and making difficult decision;
– you can avoid taking a stand on controversial issues;
– you can avoid feeling responsible for negative outcomes;
– you get to blame others when things go wrong;
– you can believe, when others tell you how to behave, what
to think, how to feel and what to decide, that you are
“being loved” because they “want what is best for you”;
– you can avoid feeling separate and alone by avoiding conflict;
– you can avoid the hard work of emotional growth and development.
Appreciating the advantages of not being manipulated is to
accept the hard work of living and interacting with others.
It is about being willing to grow and develop emotionally.
These advantages can be that,
– you learn to know who you are, what you like, what you
think, and how you feel;
– you learn to make difficult decisions;
– you get to take credit for your decisions;
– you learn to handle risks and uncertainty;
– you learn to handle differences and conflicts;
– you get to be in control of your life and know the
freedom of personal self-reliance;
– you get to have an increased sense of self worth by
feeling competent and capable of taking responsibility for
your life and personal happiness.
Manipulation is usually attempted using power, unsolicited
helping, rescuing, guilt, weakness, and/or dependence, in
order to achieve a desired outcome. For example,
1) Power - physical, verbal, intellectual intimidation or
threats, put-downs, belittling, withholding of things
needed or wanted. The goal is to be in a “one up, I am
right and you are wrong” position;
2) Unsolicited helping/rescuing - doing things for others
when they do not request it, want it, or need it; helping
others so they become indebted, obligated, and owe you. The
goal is to be in the “after all I have done for you, and
now you owe me” position;
3) Guilt - shaming, scolding, blaming others, attempting to
make others responsible, trying to collect for past favors.
The goal is to be in the “it is all your fault,” or “after
all I have done for you and now you treat me like this”
position;
4) Weakness/dependence - being (or threatening to become)
helpless, needy, fearful, sick, depressed, incompetent,
suicidal. The goal is to confuse want with need, with the
message “if you do not take care of me, something bad is
going to happen and it will be all your fault” position.
With manipulation, there is a physical and emotional
response, such as a heightened level of anxiety or
irritation, although it may not be perceived as such.
Manipulation feels like a struggle or contest, not free
communication. The reason is the manipulator is always
invested in the outcome of a situation.
This is where boundaries differ from manipulation.
Boundaries (or limits) are statements about our values and
where we stand on issues. True boundaries are not threats
or about getting the other person to do what we want. True
boundaries are not compromised by another’s response.
For example, you discover that your spouse has lied to you
and has run up a large gambling debt. You discover the
problem by chance, get financial and professional help and
are back on track. However, there are new signs of trouble.
It is time for some hard decisions.
- What is your bottom line?
- What will you tolerate?
- What manipulative tactics do you use to change your
spouse’s behavior - check up on them constantly, bird-dog
them, never let them be alone, hide the credit cards, lie
to your creditors, parents, and children? - How much
rescuing, guilt, power plays, threats, and protection do
you run on the gambler?
- At what point do you stop trying to change their behavior
and let them know your bottom line?
You cannot make them do or not do anything. You can only
let them know what your position is and what you are
willing to do to protect yourself and those you are
responsible for.
The problem with loud, threatening bottom lines, is that
they keep getting louder, more threatening, and redrawn
lower and lower.
We tend to determine what our position and action is by
what the other person does, instead of voicing our true
position and then responding accordingly. This is the time
for tough decisions and actions.
In another example, a friend asks you for a ride to work
because she is having car trouble. This is the time to
establish ground rules, such as, how long will she need
your help, pick up times, expense sharing, days off, etc. A
boundary or limit is set when you clearly let your friend
know what you are willing to do and not do.
Problems arise - she is frequently not on time morning and
evening. Do you wait and be late, or do you leave her? Her
car has been in the shop six weeks because she cannot
afford to get it out. She has not offered to help with the
expense, nor does she seem concerned about the
arrangement.
Your friend is using weakness to manipulate and be
dependent on you. She has transferred her problem to you
and you have accepted it by rescuing and not setting
boundaries or limits on your participation in her problem.
If you refuse to wait when she is late and she has problems
as a result, she will blame you and try to make you feel
guilty. What we really want are for others to be
responsible and play fair; however, when they do not, we
either have to set boundaries, or feel manipulated and
victimized with the accompanying advantages and
disadvantages.
Lastly, often we confuse UNDERSTANDING with AGREEMENT.
This is when people confuse their decisions with wanting
the recipient of a decision to like or agree with it. When
we make decisions that oppose the desires of others, there
is a cost. We usually attempt to minimize that cost by
explaining, in exhaustive detail, our rationale for that
decision, somehow thinking if they could just understand
our position, they would agree.
Applying that scenario to parent and child - if a parent
makes a decision based on the best interest of the child,
it needs to be made separate from whether the child is
going to like it. When a child knows it is important to the
parent that they be happy with a decision, then it will
never be in the child’s personal interest to be happy with
an unwanted decision. If a child knows that their happiness
with a parental decision is of equal importance to the
decision itself, then all a child has to do is be unhappy
in order to make their parent uncomfortable and doubt their
decision — after all, it is always worth a try. This same
dynamic can apply to interactions among adults also.
How do we manage manipulation? By becoming more aware of
our interaction with others.
Is the interaction an attempt to communicate or does it
feel like a contest?
Are you beginning to feel anxious or irritated?
Do you want to get out of the conversation?
Does the interaction fit into a manipulative style?
Is there an attempt to use power, service, guilt, or
weakness to get your cooperation?
Are you a willing participant in your own manipulation?
Is it easier not taking responsibility?
Are you attempting to manipulate others instead of setting
clear boundaries?
Are you making a distinction between a value and a
preference?
Preferences can be negotiated, but values should not.
Our society does not deal well with differences in values
and preference. We tend to take it as a personal affront
and insult when others disagree with us. We will avoid
conflicts at all costs, because it feels like rejection.
What we need is to communicate to others, clearly and
calmly, our values, preferences, and boundaries. We need to
be respectful and dedicated to listening, hearing and
appreciating, if not understanding, how we all are
different.
Mary Treffert, LCSW, ACSW, is a Licensed, Clinical Social
Worker, who is an individual, couple, and family therapist
in Baton Rouge, LA.
http://www.victimbehavior.com/manipulation/
